Jokes from the Sonoran desert

What do you get when you finally get excited about outdoor Christmas decorations, a new telescope, and the Geminid meteor shower all in one day?

Three hours of rain like a motherfucker.

Not funny? I didn't think so either.

I am really trying not to be a scrooge but...

*thelightsthelightsthelightsthelightsthelightsthelightsthelightsthelightsthelightsthelightsthelightsthelightsthelightsthelightsthelightsthelightsthelights*

FAAAAACK YOUUUUUUU, KMART!!! YOU AND THE CRAPPY CHRISTMAS EARWORM YOU RODE IN ON!!!!

Like I needed a reason to NOT shop there. It's like Rain Man says...

All I gotta say is if you want this Frau to buy your shit, this is the way to go. Bravo, Amazon. Bravo.

How doth one obtain a job as a scribe with Amazon? Sign me upeth.

Home.Woot

Sniff sniff

Why does the mall always smell just a little bit like ass? I mean, everything in here is new...is it the people? Or the mulch in the planters? Or is it a secret ass store not known to the likes of me? Hmmmm...

Tuesday

Make pie crusts. Check. Bake sweet potatoes. Check. Eat entire can of sweetened condensed milk. Check. Buy 12 pack of tart, hard cider to lower chance of repeat offense. Check. Drink said cider. Check.

 
Holidays require 'fuel' of all kinds. I hope in the hubub you are able to find yours.